The Otis Feed

My mom hasn’t missed an episode of The Bachelor since the show’s inception. Like the good fur child that I am, I usually stick around evfurrry Monday night to watch the women get cattier and cattier – sorry ladies I call it like I see it. Clearly this season Peter seems to enjoy getting a little too close for my comfort. Excuse me while I cough up a hairball – that’s just gross, Peter! You’re supposed to use your tongue to groom your furrr. 

Since my mom has furrrbidden me to date, I can only dream about dating several purrrty felines at once, and all the exotic dates we’d go on – like climbing the tallest cat tree in the world, playing a good game of cat and mouse, and eating all kinds of Fancy Feasts!! At the furrnale, I imagine a fluffy longhaired feline, in a stunning marmalade coat, with piercing green eyes, a purr that speaks to my soul, and a M E O W that I can’t imagine the rest of my life without. As I’d ask furr her paw in meowaige, I’d present her with the most beautiful cat collar cut from the most beautiful purrincess diamonds -presented by Neil Lane – you’ve ever seen! She’d of course say yes, and we’d live (with my purrents) happily evfurrrr after.